


put me on a pedestal and i'll only disappoint you

by bananaquit



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananaquit/pseuds/bananaquit
Summary: "You know, Charlie, I don't think this is gonna work." said Neil.Charlie looked across their shared dorm room to Neil, who was sitting on his bed. "What?" he asked, quirking a brow."I mean... us."





	put me on a pedestal and i'll only disappoint you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inkblot9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkblot9/gifts).



> title is from the song "pedestrian at best" by courtney barnett

"You know, Charlie, I don't think this is gonna work." said Neil.

Charlie looked across their shared dorm room to Neil, who was sitting on his bed. "What?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"I mean... us."

Charlie snickered like it was a joke. Even his posture reflected his attitude; he was sprawled lazily on his bed. "What, you're breaking up with me?" he asked, taking a casual drag of his cigarette.

"Actually, yeah. I am."

"You're not _really_ , though."

Neil smiled a little too wide and nodded, exhaling. "Yes, I am."

"This isn't about that trig test, is it? Like I said, it's one test."

Neil stood up, stone-faced, and approached Charlie. "Yeah. That's exactly what you said. Then you said I'd get over it and pulled out one of your fucking porno mags." Neil said, abruptly lunging forward to yank said magazine and the cigarette out of Charlie's hands.

"What the hell?"

Neil took a long, slow drag of the cigarette, watching the smoke dissipate into the air. Neil moved the cigarette to hover above the back of his hand, dangerously close to his skin. He stared at it as if debating whether to burn himself.

Charlie's eyes widened. "Neil," he warned. "Talk to me."

Neil pressed the tip of the cigarette to the magazine, lighting it on fire. Charlie wanted to protest, but when he saw the look in Neil's eyes, he held his tongue.

"Everything's a joke to you, Charlie." Neil said after a few beats of silence. "That stupid test, this school, my feelings, your whole _life_. You can't take anything seriously. You don't care. You don't _have_ to care. I do. Your family's rich. You can afford to screw up. No matter how badly you fuck up, you're guaranteed a good life because you can just buy your way out of your problems. I don't have it that easy."

Neil flicked his wrist to put out the flames before they could reach his fingers and dropped the charred remains of the magazine to the floor. "My family doesn't have that kind of money. I have expectations to live up to. I'm supposed to succeed at everything I do. I'm supposed to be perfect. So no, it's not just one fucking test. Nothing's important to you, Charlie. Nothing matters. You're a great friend and I love you, but-" Neil dropped the cigarette to the ground and put it out with his foot, wiping his tears away and laughing weakly. "-you're a really shitty boyfriend." He sniffed.

Charlie considered this silently for a moment. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't just dismiss this with a witty remark. Neil was right. It hurt a bit, but it was true. That was who he was, and if Neil didn't want that kind of relationship with him, that was his right. Of course Charlie respected and cared for him, but he wasn't always the best at showing that in a healthy way. He just didn't want to lose Neil entirely.

"But we're still gonna be friends, right?" Charlie managed.

"Yeah." Neil whispered.

"C'mere." Charlie said, pulling Neil down into a hug. Neil flopped on top of him and graciously accepted the embrace, smiling through blurry eyes and burying his face in his best friend's shoulder. Charlie patted him on the back.

"I'm sorry if I've been a jackass, 'kay?" he murmured, rubbing Neil's back.

Neil lifted his head. "You'll always be a jackass." He grinned.

Charlie smirked. "Maybe so." He raised a brow in a goofy way that sent Neil into a fit of giggles. "Still, a jackass like me's pretty lucky to have a friend like you." He ruffled Neil's hair. Neil chuckled and drew back, then stood up.

"So we're good?" asked Neil.

"Yeah," Charlie replied. "We're good."


End file.
